I Heart Element - by Erin Nesmith

A few years back for Element’s birthday, owners were asked to write their story of how Element came to be their home. The theme of the submissions was “I Heart Element”. Benjamin and I wrote our own stories which obviously reflected each other yet still expressed the individual, unique and intimate way in which God met each of our separate needs, hopes and desires through this body of Christ. Pulling these stories back out in a season where our church is turning the page into a new chapter of growth and being beautifully challenged to deepen our roots in ways that we couldn’t have without the trials we have experienced, I am so comforted in finding that this reminder of why God brought me here is still the reason “I am Element.” Not much has changed for me, even though change has been all around us recently. I feel that my heart and my soul are firm in God’s leading, His protection, His humble way of using me and I feel steadfast in His love and the love He has surrounded me with at Element. 

Here is my story…

Saying that I Heart Element may be an understatement. Or, it may just be the wrong way of saying it….Element is my heart. That is more like it.

After many years of trying to put on a happy face in the machine that is American church culture, I was done. If you know me then you know that I CANNOT hide the way I feel. I cannot fake it on Sunday or swallow something for the sake of going with the flow. As my husband says, I am a reactionary. I see something going one way and if I don’t like it then I want to take action, do something else, go the other way. For many years this feeling was growing stronger as I realized that church as I knew it fit in a box, it was a mold that I must shape to and a place that required conformity. “Like this music, serve only if you can fit into these time frames, wear these clothes, put on this face, only share this much of your heart,” and so on and so forth. I left church on Sunday mornings feeling frustrated, like an outsider, annoyed and exhausted. “My Jesus doesn’t want me to turn in to a person that is ok with superficial relationships, cliché answers, fake smiles, and half-hearted commitment”, I thought. But really, who was I to dare think that church should be anything other than what it is? And then, finally, God started my husband and I on a journey.

Many talks, all the prayers we could muster up and lots of internal dialogue got us to the point where we read a book called Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller. It was so refreshing to hear someone talk about being a Christian without all the “Christianeze” terms and coined phrases. Many of our thoughts and frustrations with the American Christian church were echoed in that book. Step number one.

We started to talk about what kind of things we would like to see in a church. A model of simplicity, sincerity, the first century model of small “church houses” we called them, messages that lead us to want to investigate God’s word more on our own rather than sermons -complete with alliterated points starting with p- neatly boxed and all wrapped up, ready to store away. At the time we thought this kind of church was so radical and so far from what has become the norm that it simply didn’t exist in our city. But we were wrong.

I was explaining to a friend why we were going to start searching for a new church and she said that she knew of a church that might fit some of the things we were looking for. When I first went to Element’s website, I laughed because it seemed to meet pretty much all of the desires we had for a church and then some. Honestly, we felt so drawn to Element that we postponed visiting because we thought “if we go there first, we won’t want to visit any other churches.” Two visits into our search we couldn’t wait any longer and visited Element that next Sunday.

It was the week of my second child’s birth and I was about to burst. When we walked in the doors Bobby greeted us and recognized my husband, Benjamin, from the band scene they had both been a part of in past years. The Hahn’s warmly welcomed us and struck up a conversation with us that didn’t seem forced but genuine. The church pursued helping us with meals once our son was born, the worship was more moving and alive than any we had heard in many years or maybe ever, the message was thought-provoking and open ended…intellectual yet filled with heart and to top it all off our daughter came home tooting her horn for the walls of Jericho to come tumbling down. She had learned more in one Sunday than she did in three years attending our previous church.

Needless to say, we hearted Element from day one. It wasn’t because we were on a church high or because of the novelty of Element’s eccentric culture. It was because of the genuineness that exudes from this church. Element has restored my love for fellowshipping with others, has healed my jaded feelings toward the flawed church, has challenged me to renew my commitment to be all that God wants me to be instead of some of it, has allowed me to breathe and enjoy having a relationship with Jesus rather than smothering me and making me feel guilty and obligated. And most of all, Element has moved in the life of my family…which is another story in and of itself but I can sum it up by just saying, I have witnessed miracles because of what this church has cultivated in its people.

I love that Element is a people not a machine. I love that this church functions on simplicity and purpose rather than protocol and procedure. I love that I wake up feeling joyful and blessed to get to serve at this church rather than feeling burdened because I have to serve. I love that we are invited to meet God here in worship, in fellowship, in ownership, in relationship, in love and in accountability. I love that Element isn’t perfect and polished and functioning to primarily feed itself but rather reaches out to those around us. I love that Element is Element. Not a formula or a tradition or a cliché. I love that Element is just a church loving God and trying to make room for him to be a part of it all.

To say I heart Element is most definitely an understatement. My heart was yearning and begging and pleading for a place to rest, recuperate and get back in the race. My heart was breaking for a place where I belonged. My heart was waiting for the opportunity to heal and grow and flourish in a place that God dwells. I believe with all my heart that the Lord took me and my family on a journey that led me here. I am all in, I am committed and my heart is happy. Heck yeah, I heart Element. I am home, I am loved and I am able to give even more of myself than ever before to my God as a result.

It is my prayer that I will never put my worship in a church but rather only in God, still I am so thankful for a place and a people that points me toward him. Thank you to all who dreamed and prayed and acted to make Element exist. I needed it and if no one else was ever affected by this church’s existence I can say that it has affected me. Hopefully it will in turn affect others through me. “I thank my God every time I remember you.” (Philippians 1:3) 

Thank you God, for Element.